So, this year it's been 30 years already that I became entangled in the "dangerous" electronic underground of gabba, speedcore, hard acid, and so on...
actually feels just like yesterday - weird!
I achieved some kind of "liminal fame" that way. I don't get invited to talk shows, my face is not the cover of life magazine... but I know that literally millions of people heard my music at one point in their life, and likely the same amount has spilled their sweat (or blood) on the undercover hardcore dancefloors at one point or the other...
it's weird, even when i go to a forum specifically dedicated to hardcore electronics, the reaction usually is *either* "low entropy, you are a legend!" *or* "who the fudge is that person? i never heard of them in my entire life! when did they start producing again?". it's never inbetween.
but that's not what i want to talk about. the question is: was it worth it? all the years of sweat and hardships, just to feed an addiction to hardcore beats and dark, disturbing electronic sounds?
a lot of artists (in other genres, too), when they look back, either feed their ego, like: "i wanted to proof i am the biggest musical genius ever!" (hello, john lennon!) or they underplay it: "who cares if i have achieved something or not, the important thing was, we all had a lot of funs".
but there is something i never heard getting mentioned by an artist, and it is something peculiar.
i think it has to do with motivation and inspiration...
when i was a kid, teen, young adult, the time before i got "known" as an artist, i loved to watch scifi and action movies on TV, i watched clips and music performances on music television, i watched strange & obscure programs, like a lot of us did.
and i always felt like there was a world *behind* the screen, that seemed to be so much more exciting than the "real world" i was living in. it is very hard to explain what i mean, but i think a lot of people feel the same thing.
you know, we got the regular world, with schools, and jobs, and fast food joints, and annoying neighbors, and stuff like that. maybe life is good, or it is bad, for those people that live in this world. but even if it's good, it's still hella boring, dry and dull. it lacks adventure, mystery, magic.
and the world i saw on tv, that i heard on music, that i read about in magazines, felt like it was *full* of magic and excitement and adventures.
like everything was possible there. while *nothing* seemed possible in my real life.
and i always wanted to get to that place, even if it felt like an illusion to others.
and by that i do not mean that i wanted to become a literal gangster like in the action movies i watched, or that i wanted to become a real rockstar like on the MTV.
i just wanted to feel that special sensation, that strange magic, that i felt in my favorite media, movies, records, tracks... in my own life, too.
and i think i managed to just do that, and get to that place. and this made it worth it.
and this is my "message" to the young, or rather, to the newcomers of all ages, or rather, to those that are still stuck in "boring-world".
because i do not think it is very hard to do this, to achieve this.
just gotta have faith and do the leap.
and when you deeply think reality is too dry, too boring, too depressive, and that something else should be possible.
then, please trust in your own judgment. go out on an adventure!
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